It’s 26th of December 2011, maybe it’s the most unusual Christmas I’ve ever spent in my entire life. Aside for not completing my “Simbang Gabi” tradition and not having abundant food to feast in our Noche Buena, I’m really saddened by the thought of not having him around for the first time. Yes I feel that it’s the most wonderful time of the year, hearing Christmas songs, carolers outside our house, seeing glimmering lights and giving or receiving gifts. Above all of, I can’t still feel that it’s Christmas.
I keep yanking the thought that I have enough prowesses to stay tough through hardships and sorrows but I realize that I’m still human to have a heart to love and to have senses to feel. I try to understand the events that happened in my life for this year, it’s hard though I really tried to convince myself that it’s just God’s way of saying that you need to live life of challenges because living life is not very easy yet not very hard because I know that HE will not give us problems that we can’t be dealt with.
I’m not strong, although that’s what I’m portraying to be, hiding with priceless laughs I manage to ease out sorrowful tears, tears that I wish has enough reason for them to come running down my face. I grew up with the not so perfect type of family but I manage not to hate them, I love my family with all my heart. All these years I’ve been trying to cope up of being the eldest and having the mindset of being the “Bread Winner “ of my family someday. Although we’re not that financially incapacitated, sometimes we still lack of money, it’s normal. But sometimes, shouldering my family’s agony about it is a lot more painful than seeing us incomplete. I have overcome the thought of it year’s way back. Sometimes I want people to understand that being in this kind of family is really tough, really hard. You have to have a lot of courage to be in this kind of situation. Sometimes, I wish it’s just a bad dream that I will be awakened by anybody unharmed, but this is the sad reality I have to accept.
I’m not a perfect friend, everyone has their imperfection, but I’m trying to be one. For me, perfection is about how you perceive someone and how the way you accept his/her whole being, inside and out. I can be brutally bad and I can be cheerfully good because that’s what I feel, I maybe sometimes a stereotype of person but I’m just saying what I know is true provided that it’s given by the situation. Yes, I do judge people physically which everybody does and emotionally which I think everybody did too in terms of what I see it. I can say that I can understand and become fully aware of my own actions and with the people around me, I’m neither numb nor insensitive but if you think I am well you really don’t know me, you really don’t know me, because if you do, you’ll understand not underestimate and judge beforehand. I am my actions, so if I hurt you should understand that I’m hurting too. I’m not that kind of person that easily get rid with someone I don’t really want because I thought I myself has lot of reason for them to hate about but they don’t, they just accept me and understand. For me, accepting whole heartedly his/her being and understanding is my own definition of a friend. I may not be the greatest best friend you’ll ever have but I can be just a good friend you’d ever have. My actions may not vary the kind of friendship you PICTURED but I can make you feel the connections may be DEVELOPING having me around. And I’ll assure that I maybe in your mind’s short term side but our memories will last in your long term side. :D
I’m going through hard times these days, having the path I don’t really want but I manage to love, not just what I’m practicing but with the people I love and with the people I’m beginning to know, the path that once I thought is leading to hell makes its way up to heaven by their presence. I know I’ll overcome this and the future hardships Psychology has to offer with them by my side, helping. I love them that much that it’s hard to forget them even the years ahead may pass.
Sometimes I thought of being a kid, playing kite with my brother, crying like there’s no tomorrow not worrying what might others think what my problems all about because I’m just a kid crying over a Barbie doll taken away by my naughty little brother, but everybody has and have to grow and experience life’s ups and down. But now, even you’ve grown up, crying can be one of the best solution, even though the reason may not be a Barbie doll being taken away, but whatever it is, it’s still a reason and whatever reason it is, it’s enough to bring tears from those eyes to the ground.
In life, we must also realize that we may say goodbye or say hello to someone but life must go on and on and thank that you’d still taste life sweetness despite the bitterness. This is life, don’t get mad.
After reading this, please listen to South Borders Rainbow and be more knowledgeable to appreciate life’s roller coaster ride. This one’s to the first man I happened to love for the rest of my life PAPA and to my beloved friends who happened to misunderstood the whole me inside and out and to my family who sometimes gave a damn but always giving me a handful of reasons not to get mad about life, and with HIM, my invisible preacher and my forever mentor. Thank you and I love you all!
MERRY CHRISTMAS AND HAPPY NEW YEAR!
CELEBRATE EVERYDAY, LIFE’S SO BEAUTIFUL! Bog =D
